Something Completely Random..Part II

in continuing my conversation with the angry man....I am still torn on how I feel about him. I genuine heart seeks to approve of him, while my mind the logical side still has animosity towards him. I know the following may be a little confusing to follow, as it is only from one perspective, mine. I do not want to post every detail of my dealings with this man, especially all of his words. I think the important tid bits for you, my readers and for me...lay in my own words. So should anyone have read my posts and been offended, or still have a curiosity into the inner workings of this whores mind...I share this with you.

I have to say I completely understand what you are saying. But I am torn and the fence about what I think of you. And that is ok....funny tid-bit...my mother thought my father was an arrogant son of a bitch and my father thought my mother was a fat ass when they first met....they have been married for over 40 years. Not to take that as me being a romantic, because I have no place currently in my heart for such whimsical tragic tales.

I had the feeling you were acting out on the extreme, as you said, to get perhaps an equally and opposite response. If your not German, why so stand offish and closed up to truth? I find in you I have met my personal match in mental stimulation... I am more attracted to those who challenge me. Those who have to make me wonder, those that I cannot wrap in a pretty box and put under the tree along with the rest. I like your convoluted way of saying...I am still thinking! While in between thoughts you are speaking what is on your mind...and honestly. And for as much as you pissed me off in what you said, I did indeed appreciate the honesty...even if it was a momental fit of thoughts. I am the most honest person I think you will ever meet...in return it makes me naive in assuming an expectation of honesty in others.

I do not get off on hurting others and making fun of, however I do have a sense of humor and if I do laugh or recognize humorous situations in others....I have found equally or if not more humor in myself. If you can't laugh at yourself...well then? I am ridiculous.... but I personally find my ridiculousness a significant part of my charm. I am clumsy and own it, I am sexy and I own it, I am cute and I own it, I am usually quite smart and I own it, and yes there are moments when I am completely ignorantly dumb and I own that too!

I am usually the most misunderstood person and sadly...this is my hardest thing to own. It is the one thing that hurts me the most nd it will over and over. However, it doesn't stop me from trying to be understood. ( for the record, this bit of truth is making me cry t the moment) hormones maybe. 

I have become a whore to try and close myself off from trying to be understood, but its a conundrum... As much as I want to be understood, I have found some solace in being misunderstood...the one time I was understood, I let my guard down and my heart was ripped from me and never returned.

So where I lurk about, whether on Craigslist, on my blog, in my emails, in a cafe, or fucking men for money, I find my little bits of reckoning, comfort, and resolve.