Wednesday, July 10, 2013

A blast from the past...anal confession

Many years a land far, far away...

I was about to have the most rockin one night stand with this guy I was conversing with online for a few weeks. We met up at a club. We had some drinks and danced and he was hot and I was hot for him. The night came to an end and we headed to his small studio apartment. As we arrived, I could feel I needed to use the toilet, but I refused to do something like THAT at his place. We started playing around and  as the passion grew with great force, the feeling of having to go subsided.

Full throttle from the very beginning...sucking, licking, exploring, and fucking with pictures and video. Nothing was not done...including the finale of ANAL! Hot with desire and passion, I had forgotten I needed to go. In the slow and hot build up of entry, I was ready! Once in the right gear, he slowly upshifted until he was in 6th ...when the oil gasket blew! With every thrust, my passion spewed...literally. He was unwavering in his excitement and continued on until he reached his destination. Upon finishing, he was calm and relaxed and quite sympathetic. Shit happens right! Meanwhile, I was mortified, but refused to show it. We cleaned up and changed the sheets like it was nothing. We then laid down in each others arms and enjoyed the pictures we took and reminisced on all our fun. We were both high from the excitement of the great sex we had just experienced, but in the back of my mind, I could not wait for him to go to sleep, so I may use his toilet in peace. Well, somewhat peace...I knew there was going to be WWIII going on just steps away from his bed. He finally drifts away to dreamland and I get up quietly to take my moment. I sit on the toilet and let the demons out. Slowly not to create tremors. I waited to release between his snores. I could not believe the satisfaction of that very movement once it was over. I go to flush the toilet and get into the shower, when the next level of my nightmare begins...the toilet begins to over flow. Oh GOD please no...nooooooooooo! I take the lid off the back and try to get the lever back on to prevent more overspill...then look for the plunger and it is nowhere to be found. I can handle this, but please God let me do this without waking him up!

I finally get the toilet to stop flowing and he is still snoring along. I put the lid down and sit on the toilet and think about how to handle this situation without a plunger. After pondering my options for 20 minutes, I clean up all that I can and come to the conclusion: I must face the music. I have to wake him up and have him help me clean up my shit. Or could I just leave and never speak to him again? That was an option, but then what if I saw him out? He would remember me as the girl who killed his toilet and left. Nope, not an option. Face the music it was to be. I woke him up and asked for help...

Needless to say, after that dreadful yet fun and adventurous night, we became a couple and were together for over 2 years!

Sometimes, the root of your desire goes well beyond your trunk

In the last year and a half I have studied the sexual nature of myself and men from all over the world. I have exposed and experienced idiocy, extreme perversions, tenderness, longing, success and downfalls. The most interesting thing I have come across is the hidden desire for something real through the force of online anonymity. I have trolled sex ads, placed sex ads, sold my sex, my body and essence and shared all for the world to see and experience through word or in the flesh. What I discovered through all the myriad facades is:

The majority of men have perverse ideas in their heads. Ideas spoon fed from pornography: how many places can I stick my cock, how can I tear that up, the submission of a woman tending to his piece, him performing an act that appears to be turning her on or getting her off or even going to an extreme of turning something completely disgusting into a complete raw form of enjoyment. In other words, the ecstasy of completely letting go to every and all inhibitions.

Men also have a romanticized drive of what sex should be for them. They have a desire for physical contact, touching, being touched, being pleased equally to pleasing. The disconnection or connection they have falters in the communication and expression of desire and imagination of desire.

Online anonymity provides a platform to express ones self in this pornographic alter ego and play in the realm of fantasy. But really this alter ego is merely a manifestation of something, I think even most men do not realize and that is this romanticized desire that links them closer to a woman. I know you probably think I am full of shit, but working as a whore and meeting many, many, many men in the "anonymous" realm of fantasy, the outcome or reality supports my argument.

85% of the men that seek me out and book me are married or in a relationship
10% of the men are successful and attractive men, who just have no time for seeking or sustaining a relationship
5% are just insecure or really the stereotypical guys who could not get a woman if they tried

The factor they all have in common: they all seek companionship, closeness and to fulfill desire for something they do not have.

The men who are married seek most of all: tenderness, attention, the feeling of being desired and of course excitement! Obviously the things that are lacking in their everyday relationships. Sure, they may approach me with some crazy pornographic idea of what they would like to do, but ultimately, they wanted to be ABLE to express this type of desire without judgment or immediate denial. Once meeting in the flesh, their comfortability and feeling of freedom, because of the openness, their true desire and essence is exposed.  Many of course do not do the things they say they think they want to do, rather they take their time and enjoy the open company and fall prey to the moment and the natural forces of two souls coming together.

The single, successful and attractive men with no time, know exactly what they want and waste no time expressing it and doing it. They are not bogged down by the emotion of dissatisfaction of a relationship. They do not pretend for a moment and take advantage of this fantasy world alongside the give and take. They value their time and investment and make the most of it. Their fantasy and realistic desire to be touched and to touch, to give and receive collide and usually with a sonic boom.

The 5% of insecure or stereotypical men are really broken into two groups. Wanting the connection and the "know how" and those that are completely perverse and have no desire for anything other than their pornographic manifestations.

The insecure use the anonymity as a shield to protect them from embarrassment. Many express themselves opposite to who they really are to help build themselves up or keep it as real as possible and with only a few embellishments for fear of "me" meeting them in the flesh and feeling incompetent. These men really seek the chance to make a woman feel like a goddess, since in their real lives, they have no one. They want to know what it is like to be touched and to touch and make a woman happy and usually have little regard for self gratification.

On the other side of the the extreme perverse. They have no ability to communicate or express themselves outside this pornographic fantasy land. The anonymity allows them to be "the supernatural porn star" they could never be in real life. Of course, some whores will cater to this persona for an easy buck and it is a shame to see this behavior perpetuated. Especially when there are very good techniques some of us have to reveal and play on these desires in other ways.  For these men, the goal is to remove any and all emotion from the equation and test the limits of physical gratification and pay no attention to why they would want to do the things they do.